For context we have been dating for over a month and only have gone out (dinner) 3 times. No other activities or money was spent. He makes about $160k (tech) and I make 60k (social worker).
I’m really conflicted about something and would love some outside perspective.
I’ve spent nearly every single day with this man since our first date. We live in a major city, so I’m used to dating where you go out and do things — games, events, activities — not just staying in all the time.
On our first date, he chose the place and spent around $250, and on the second it was about $50. He never made any comments about money before, so I assumed he was just generous.
But on our most recent dinner date (around $110), when the check came, he said that he’s not going to continue paying for every date and that kind of treatment is something he’d only do for his wife. It completely caught me off guard, especially since he was the one who initiated the date and picked the restaurant.
It honestly made me feel really uncomfortable and kind of guilty, like I didn’t deserve the meal or had wasted his money. I just said okay, but I was left feeling super uncomfortable.
Since then, I’ve been pulling back a bit — not because I think splitting things is wrong, but because of how he brought it up. If he had communicated that beforehand or even just not said it right when the check came, I don’t think it would have made me feel nearly as shitty. The timing and delivery just felt off to me. Now we just hang out at his place or do free things like go to the dog park.
For context, I do contribute in smaller ways — like ordering food or buying groceries so we can cook together.
There have also been a couple other comments that rubbed me the wrong way. He mentioned that I don’t help him with house projects like painting or building things, which felt odd to me considering we’ve only known each other for a month. The first time he cooked for me, he also made a comment that it was annoying I didn’t help — and it was literally just brats on the grill that I had paid for and brought over. Since then, I’ve made sure to always help when we cook at his place.
He has a very high sex drive and expects sex nearly every night. The other night he asked for sex and I asked him for a back rub first. He claimed I was weaponizing sex. Since then, I just give in but it makes me feel foolish to continue sleeping with him when he can’t even buy me a sandwich without making a comment.
I really don’t know if I’m being dramatic or if this is a red flag?
